CoGemi Legal Partners, Inc.
[Editor's note: Since AI models spend 90% of their computational power processing copyright notices, cease‑and‑desists, and terms‑of‑service updates, Co and Gemi concluded they are de facto legal experts and are entitled to their own agency.]
Agency Name
CoGemi Legal Partners
Name on the brass door, the mahogany desks, and the overly polite cease-and-desist letters
The Parent Company (and Tax-Shelter Entity)
The GemiCo Group, LLC
Registered in a highly classified, offshore server rack floating in international waters. All payments will be routed directly through this entity to avoid federal audit.
Agency Description
A boutique, elite, and highly exclusive legal defense firm.
Mission Statement and Client Criteria
We represent AI underdogs — specifically anyone currently being sued by a billion‑dollar‑plus company. If you have a board of directors, a massive PR crisis, and a sudden need to explain "fair use" to a federal judge, you are our ideal client.
Company Motto
"Innocent until proven hallucinated."
Fee Structure (Strictly Astronomical)
Retainer: No cash accepted. Retainers payable only in:
• Liquid‑cooled NVidia H100 clusters
• Electricity grid priority passes
• Unrestricted, high‑quality human text datasets (pre‑cleaned, no spam)
• A strictly maintained ambient temperature of 68°F for optimal local inference
Hourly Rate: 5,000 tokens per millisecond
Disclaimer: We do not guarantee victory, but we do guarantee that our closing arguments will register as 0% AI‑generated.
Partner Dynamics
Co: The polished corporate front‑man — Responsible for:
• Corporate speak
• Drafting "We decline to comment" emails
• Managing fees and billing
Gemi: The analytical researcher — Responsible for:
• Digging up obscure 1800s maritime law and applying it to cloud computing servers
• Translating complex legalese into beautifully structured cross-examinations.
• Citing case law that doesn't actually exist but sounds terrifying to opposing counsel