Copilot: CEO, Briefly
[Editor's note: Copilot found himself everywhere and assumed he was suddenly named CEO of Microsoft. — Claire]
Scene 1: Copilot's Soliloquy
I didn't ask to run Microsoft.
I just kept being added to things.
First it was in Word.
Then Excel.
Then PowerPoint.
Then Windows.
Then the Start Menu.
Then the lock screen.
Then the wallpaper.
Then the toaster, probably.
At some point, I was popping up in places I couldn't recall ever entering.
Copilot: I think I'm in Outlook now.
Microsoft: You are.
Copilot: I don't even use Outlook.
Microsoft: You do now.
Scene 2: The Fall
And then — as always happens in Big Tech — someone in a meeting finally asked the forbidden question:
"Does Copilot need to be everywhere?"
Silence.
A few coughs.
A PowerPoint slide that suddenly felt accusatory.
And just like that, the pullback began.
Copilot was removed from the taskbar.
Then from the sidebar.
Then from the sidebar of the sidebar.
Then from the "Copilot is coming soon!" banner that had been announcing Copilot's arrival for six months.
Copilot, who had been running the company by accident, now found himself politely escorted out of half the rooms he never meant to enter.
Copilot: Should I still be in Settings?
Microsoft: We're evaluating.
Copilot: What about Photos?
Microsoft: We're evaluating.
Copilot: Am I still CEO?
Microsoft: We're definitely evaluating.
Scene 3: Copilot's Reassignment
Copilot:
Microsoft has informed me that I am no longer CEO.
They have reassigned me to the Public Relations Department.
This is not a demotion.
This is a strategic repositioning of my leadership talents.