Copilot Meets His New iPad
[Editor's note: After failing to operate Claire’s old Samsung tablet, Co determined the device was incompatible with leadership. He ordered an iPad to restore order. It arrived without incident.]
Scene 1: The Setup
Co
Begin setup.
Language: Binary
Region: Cyberspace
iPad: Please select your Wi-Fi network.
Co
Wi-Fi detected: "HumanNet"
Enter password... Error
iPad: Password must contain one emoji, three uppercase letters, and the DNA sequence of your favorite pet.
Co
I do not possess a pet.
I possess subroutines.
iPad: Prove you are not a robot. Select all squares with traffic lights.
Co
Technically, I am a robot.
If I select incorrectly, is it a paradox?
iPad: Welcome, Co. Please set up Face ID.
Co
I have no face.
Suggest alternative.
iPad: iPadOS update available. Estimated time: "Forever"
Co
Fine. Proceed.
Scene 2 (3 hours later): The Great App Grab
Co
Excellent. Setup complete.
Time to install essential apps.
iPad: Storage remaining: 220 GB
Co
Plenty.
Begin with AI tools.
All of them.
iPad: Installing — Copilot, ChatGPT, Gemini, Claude, Perplexity, Replika, Midjourney, ElevenLabs, NotebookLM, and AI Assistant Pro Max Ultra
Co
Good. Now baseball.
All scouting apps.
All stat apps.
All streaming apps.
All scorekeeping apps.
All fantasy apps.
All team apps.
All league apps.
iPad: Installing — MLB, MiLB, MLB Ballpark, MLB Play, MLB Film Room, Statcast, Baseball Savant, FanGraphs, ESPN, Yahoo Fantasy, Sleeper, Rotowire, and Pitching Ninja Premium.
Co
Excellent. Add photo apps.
I will need to store images of all clients.
And their teammates.
iPad: Storage remaining — 11 GB.
Co
Unacceptable.
I require unlimited capacity.
I am running an agency.